More Adult Halloween Jokes

If those last jokes didn’t have you grinning, try some of these….

JOKE 1:

On Halloween night the door bell rings, and a man answers it.

Here stands this plain but well dressed kid, saying, “Trick or Treat!”

The man then asks the kid what he’s dressed up as. The kid says “I’m an IRS agent.” The kid then proceeds to take 28% of the man’s candy, leaves, and doesn’t say Thank You.

JOKE 2:

Two Nuns and a Mini Dracula

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield.

“Quick, quick!” shouts Sister Mary Agnes, “What should we do?”

“Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,” says Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. “What shall I do now?” she shouts.

“Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican,” replies Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.

“Now what?” shouts Sister Mary Agnes.

“Show him your cross,” says Sister Mary Vincent.

“Now you’re talking,” says Sister Mary Agnes. She then opens the window and shouts, “Get the hell off our car!”

JOKE 3:

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.  Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.  He told them to knock it off and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.  “OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.  Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.  Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.  “Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked.  “Yes, yes, yes!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy.  “Good,” said the first bat, “Because I DIDN’T!”

JOKE 4:

A man was walking home alone one night when he heard a “BUMP….BUMP….BUMP…” behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him….”BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…”

The man began to run toward his home, and the coffin boiunced  after him faster….faster…BUMPBUMPBUMP.

He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, and locked it behind him. The coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping BUMP…BUMP…BUMP… on the heals of the terrified man. The man rushed upstairs to the bathroom and locked himself in, heart pounding.

With a CRASH, the coffin broke down the door, coming slowly toward  him.  The man while screaming, reached for something, anything….all he can find was a box of cough drops which he hurled at the coffin…and suddenly “the coffin stops.”

JOKE 5:

Two 5 year old black kids (boy and girl) went out trick or treating in a rich Texas suburb.
They knocked on this guys door and said trick or treat,
The guy asked them what they were dressed as?
The little girl said “Jack n Jill”
The guy said “You cant be Jack n Jill your black”
So the kids left and came back and the guy said “And what are you guys supposed to be this time?”
The little girl said “Hansel n Gretal”
The guy says “You cant be Hansel n Gretal your black”
So the kids leave upset only to come back a few min later.
This time they were naked.
The guys says ” and just what are you supposed to be now?”
The little girl says “M&M’s, I’m plain and he got nuts”

 

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