Here are a few jokes that might cause your ADULT party guests to crack a smile….
An old couple who hadn’t celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out.
The old woman went into her bedroom, stripped naked and tied a lemon between her legs.
When she came out, the old man cried, “You can’t go out like that!”
She said, “I can go anyway I like and so can you.”
Whereupon he retired to the bedroom and came out stark raving naked with a potato tied to his tallywhacker.
The old woman says, you’re going out like that?”
And he replies, “Yep, if you can go as a sour-puss, I can go as a dick-tator.
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: “I have a question to ask you, but I don’t want to offend you”.
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that. But first, you have to be single and you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”
“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley, “maybe we will see what we can do.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child,” said the nun, why are you crying?”
“Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied. I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun says, “That’s OK, my name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.”
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said that she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and that there was no need to have his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened easily. As it was still early, she decided to go to the party.
Realizing that her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every woman he could find and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather sexy babe herself, her husband left his current partner high and dry and grabbed the wife by hand and began to dance with her, closely. Just to see how far she could take it, she made sure not to hesitate even slightly whenever he made any advances.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to go have a little fun in one of the dark deserted rooms.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed wondering what kind of explanation her husband would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had.
He said “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.” Then she asked if he danced much. He said, “I never danced once. Pete, Bill and I went into the den and played poker all night. But the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!”